About the Author (or whatever I’m called)

“This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world.”

Well, not really. First of all, I have not been, am not, and will never be female. Second, humans, in general, are incapable of “crying a river” in one sitting. Most importantly, rivers can’t drown “the whole world” because [1] some people can swim (ask my Olympic-winning, pot-smoking buddy Mike), [2] rivers indicate the existence of land, and there will exist at least one person smart enough to stay on land, and [3] rivers are not salty; tears are.

Some say I’m smart; they should go out more.
Some say I’m dumb; they should stop looking at the mirror.
Some say I’m mediocre; they should cut their tongue off because only I can say that.
Some say I’m fat; they should get over their eating disorder.
Some say I’m thin; they should lose weight.
Some say I’ll go nowhere; they shouldn’t do anything because some of them are dead.
Some say I should diversify this list… oh wait, that was me!

Oh yeah, about me? I can’t answer that. You learn bits of who I am through experience.


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